Friday, May 31, 2013

Into the sunset

Posts here have become erratic, needless to say. However, I don’t remember saying I’m a writer and I write because I’m one. I didn’t have a reason to until yesterday, maybe

For the past one year, evenings were romantic. I realize this after I’m denied the comfort of spending my evenings at home. Am I missing those days? Perhaps, no. There’s a need to coin a word to describe the feeling.
The joy of leaving sticky notes for the other to find is unparalleled. But it doesn’t stop there. While on one hand I cannot say how much I yearn to see the reaction on finding a love note, on the other, I can’t afford to be cloyingly sweet. More so when I’ve a point to prove and a life to live. So, while the rest of the world sleeps and while I’m away, I pray for my home to be safe and built on love. There’ve been O-So-Many times I’d heard my heart beat louder than the crowd around, felt nauseated by the rat race I’m in. And then I silence it, trample my desire to give in and off I go into the sunset.

Having been away for most of the day has made me come to terms with the fact that I did fall in love with the guy I met 5 years ago, and how. Mornings have never been so special, and home has never looked more inviting. As beautiful as it sounds, mornings do end, no? And every day has its sunset. And with every sunset the rat race beckons. I choose to overlook and shift focus on to a faint signal that struggles to find footing. With open arms, I embrace. Joy.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Might...Might not

Well, not because this blog needs to be resuscitated is this post. The only form of venting I've been accustomed to is writing. In another 3 weeks or so my spinster status will be lost. I'm petrified by the changes life has in store. I've questions staring and dancing at me. There's this mysterious heavy feeling in the pit of the stomach. At times, all I want to do is run away from wherever I am and begin anew. From scratch. I can I know. I can do it alone. I can do it with my folks. But with another family which might or might not know me, a guy who might or might not change. I'll miss home. I'll miss Chennai. I'll miss my friends.

And so I trouble my best friend everyday. I am marrying my best friend too. The idiom ""You can't eat your cake and have it too." has never made sense to me. Methinks it's started doing now. I scream, I cry, I fight and that species takes it all and mutters, "I love you." That's like salvation.


The minute I put the phone down, that feeling stealthily creeps in again. It grows to such an extent that I become cold and nauseated. Panic attacks, I suppose. So I tell myself, live for the moment. For the day. I'm looking for solace in kids and strangers. It's kinda weird. Music keeps me alive. God keeps me going. I might die tomorrow but I hope I live and sail through.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

God in a Coffee Shop



And as I sat there all alone in the yellow lights watching the raindrops splash and beat against the glass that stood there silently as a partition between the exterior and the interior, couldn't help but trust, all over again, that lil' voice within which I've come to trust so much as it whispered that I'm focussing on the all the wrong signals.



It becomes impossible in times like these to discard anything that smells of hope with a wave of the hand. Inching closer to victory, I am, maybe. Chances are. Atleast I choose to believe so.



Over coffee, God spoke. A lot can happen over coffee indeed!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sunset

“I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin. For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets.”

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Can, Cannot, Should not

And there are times like these when one thinks I'm incapable of doing certain things, be that 'walking up to someone and talking', or that 'in your face spontaneous remark', or even deciding; in those times I know and only I do, that there are things you can do and things you should not do, there is nothing that cannot be done.

If I'm not at it, then it has been thought well. Being the non-impulsive decision maker I have been and will be, may I say, I'm not indecisive.